Lost
by Meredith Paris
Summary: Abigail Moss-Lyman lost her father at age eight. She lost her mother shortly after that.


_Disclaimer: The West Wing and all recognizable characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, John Wells, NBC Universal, et al. No harm is intended or meant._

_A/N: Thanks must go out to my wonderful beta, Alamo Girl. I'm not really sure how to describe this one other than reading angsty fics on the joshanddonna community over at LiveJournal and and an overdose of Tin Man stories. _

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Abigail Lyman lost her father at age eight. She lost her mother shortly after that. The days after her father's funeral are quiet and the air in the house is filled with something her eight-year-old self cannot describe. Her brother cries into his pillow at night and she wants to go in there and cry with him, but knows that Noah wouldn't appreciate it.

Her mother hasn't moved from her position on the bed in days. Both of her children peer in on her but the lack of [any movement from their mother scares them so they back away.

Abigail is sitting on the swing set, scuffing the tip of her sneaker into the packed dirt when Noah appears. He doesn't say anything, just sits in the swing next to her, his eleven-year-old frame beginning to fit awkwardly in it. The two siblings don't speak for a long time – Abbey's just scuffing the ground, idly noticing that her sneaker's turning more brown than purple. Noah is folding the strands that hold the string back and forth across each other.

"I miss him," Abbey says unexpectedly, not daring to glance up at Noah.

"Me too," Noah answers after a beat. With those words, Abbey's eyes tear up and she sniffles. Noah drops the strings and stands up. When Abbey looks up, he's standing in front of her, arms open. She grabs her brother like he's her lifeline, and in numerous ways he is.

After a while, the two leave the too sunny June day outside and go back in. It's still cold inside the house; the air seems to be bearing down on them. Abbey gives a glance at the clock and sighs. She hasn't quite given up hope that her mom's going to eat one of Noah's PB&J sandwiches yet.

The two go up the stairs and down the hallway. Their parents' bedroom, once the source of much laughter and happiness is dark and twisted now. Abbey doesn't like entering it now, she knows Noah doesn't either but they both enter for the love and sake of their mother.

Their mother doesn't do anything as the two of them enter; doesn't acknowledge the plate filled with sandwiches and chips and the glass of milk. Noah's down the hallway, almost to the stairs when Abigail turns around on the threshold of the bedroom door.

"I miss Daddy, Mom. And I miss you too." Donna doesn't seem to hear her daughter speak or that her voice is breaking. Defeated, Abbey now gives up the hope of ever getting her mom back and goes down the stairs after Noah, not really eating the sandwich that he prepares.

Two weeks after her father's funeral, the doorbell rings. It's early in the morning and both Lyman children are still in their pajamas. Noah answers it and Sam and Ainsley walk in.

After answering with a "She's upstairs," to Ainsley's question of where their mom is, Abbey plops her head onto her folded arms on the table. Sam's in the kitchen with her and Noah and slowly gets the story of the last two weeks out of them.

Of how immediately after the funeral, after CJ and Danny and Grace dropped them off, their mother went straight to her bedroom and lay down on the bed. Of how she hasn't moved since. Of how she's not eating the cereal and sandwiches her children have been bringing her. Of how Noah admits that he can't really mourn for his dad since he's too worried for his mom. Of how Abbey's given up hope of getting her mother back. Ainsley's rejoined them in the kitchen and the Seaborns exchange a highly worried look.

Twenty years later, as she's preparing to shoot her daddy's funeral for American Royalty, she's being brought back to those horrible days. Sam and Ainsley originally stop in because of a delay in flights (and to see how the now smaller Lyman family is holding up.) They end up staying a week and halfway through the Seaborns' stay a concerned CJ and Danny Concannon show up along with a very worried Abbey Bartlet. By the time the Seaborns, Concannons, and Gabbey leave, Donna is slowly beginning to interact with her children.

Abbey did lose her mother shortly after she lost her father. And she knows that never really got her back. Her father is a forbidden topic for everyone – especially Abbey and Noah. Donna's walked out of magazine and TV interviews when discussions and questions of Josh and the non-small cell lung cancer come up.

The three Lymans don't mention the three weeks after Josh's funeral. Her mom isn't as happy anymore, there's a vital spark within her missing.

Abigail misses her mother and wishes for her back as Drew Roberts stands up and makes his way over to the coffin, beginning to speak Sam's speech about her father. She wonders what would have happened to her, to Noah, if they hadn't lost their mother.


End file.
